[C]old and /B\arren (Open)

[>>Sacora<<]

<sub>She'll cut you down with a single thrust
She's taken over too quickly
No medication can cure the lust
So say a prayer for the sickly
Cause she belongs to heaven

Nothingness...

That's all there was...nothingness...so barren, so empty...and yet so familiar. Why is that? Oh yeah...it's just like my heart Came the bitter thought.

In the middle of the burnt, barrent land only one living this remained...if you could call her living. She had come out here...to escape everything...not that it was working very well but...it was worth a shot.

Long black hair was pushed behind a pale white ear as she made her way across the scarred land. "We're so alike..." she muttered to the ground beneath her. As if by habit her left hand reached up to stroke her other arm...

For once, her pitch black hoodie was laying on the floor at the edge of the dead clearing...she expected to be alone...so it really didn't matter...it wasn't often she got to be so open. Across her pale arms were even paler scars. Then ran up and down her arms, in all sorts of lengths and angles. A few were slightly redish...thoose were the most recient.

Sacora sighed and turned her deep ice blue eyes to gaze across the nothingness...this wasn't exactly helping...in fact the whole thing was slightly depressing. She shook her head. What was I thinking...coming hear of all places...

Suddenly she had a sudden urge...a urge she hated. She wanted to forgot her pain, her sadness, she wanted to forget he who she was...and their was only one way to get that...

"No!" she scolded herself. She dug her fingers into her arm...to try to cause a slight bit of pain, to make the urge vanish. She would not get high tonight...she was resist the urge to go to that dark alley way...that had lost her something she could never reclaim...her virginity...

The wind suddenly picked up, her skirt and her hair flowing with it. Slowly, she pried her arm of her other one. Then she looked around, there was nothing but emptiness...and trees in the distance.

She supposed she should leave...go get her hoodie...and return to the empty house she had tried, unsuccessfully, to escape. Her eyes closed as she thought about what to do. Then suddenly they flew open...</sub>

[Rose Brennan]

So much for my happy ending
A tall woman was curled up in a tight ball in the front seat of her car, one solitary tear rolled down her face and she wiped it away with a shaky hand, her long pink nails brushing her pale skin. She took a shuddering breath and placed her hands on the steering wheel, and then her head and her breathing continued to be shaky and uneven.

Let's talk this over
It's not like we're dead
Was it something I did?
Was it something you said?
Don't leave me hanging
In a city so dead
Held up so high
On such a breakable thread

You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be

The normally bright and sparky actress felt downcast and depressed. She should feel happy; she’d brought two lonely people together and by the looks of it they might even spend the rest of their lives together. But...seeing them so happy brought attention to the empty cavern in her heart that she was alone this Valentines Day, no one wanted Saffron Coulter.

You were everything, everything that I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it
And all of the memories, so close to me, just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending

The last person to ever be close to her was a man named Tim, he’d loved her and taken care of her when her life was in a fragile state, but then the stories had begun to come through in the papers,
'Saffron the...well the picture says it all’ they called her with a picture of her kissing her boyfriend and she had no idea why they thought this was so bad, she was anything but what they thought of her. From there, the relationship had crumbled into oblivion and she was alone again. Now she thought about it, it was obvious who had planted those stories...he was an unknown again now and good riddance.

She glanced out across the burnt lands that had used to be thick lush forests and wondered why she’d driven here of all places before coming to the ovious answer...it was deserted and private. But it seemed she was not the only person out here, a girl stood alone on the burnt plants and Saffron immediatley felt something was wrong.

Slowly she got out of her car and walked over, her white pumps turning grey from the ash as she reached the girl.

[>>Sacora<<]

<sub>She'll cut you down with a single thrust
She's taken over too quickly
No medication can cure the lust
So say a prayer for the sickly
Cause she belongs to heaven

She's coming over like a suicide...
And it's the same old trip
The same old trip as before
Another complicating suicide
And it's the same old trip
The same old trip as before

Wary, pale, ice blue eyes flickered toward the woman as she approached. It her surprise...she reconized her...an actress...Saffron Coulter...she sighed...this should be interesting.

She figured that like most movie stars...she'd be stuck up, a snot...a fellow druggie maybe... Sacora shook her pale face. No...not a fellowdruggie! she thought.

Who was she kidding...just seconds ago she had wanted it more than anything...she had wanted the monster. As the actress ot closer, Sacora instinctivly reached for her hoodie...which was at the other side of the clearing. "Oh...crap..." she gasped avoiding a cuss word. So...she did the only thing she could, she threw her arms behind her back and clasped her hands together...she hoped she wasn't being too obvious.

It wasn't that she cared what Saffron thought...but she didn't like to be asked questions about her arms...so many scars...the awnser was obvious...yet people always asked...they always did...and they always hoped for the wrong anwser...that she had been attacked by a rabid cat or something.

She thought about running...it wasn't like she'd ever see this woman again...but still...she knew she wouldn't get far...before her cluminess took over...she'd trip before she even took five steps... She cast a yearning glance in the direction of her rusty, old truck...then turned to face the newcomer.</sub>

[Rose Brennan]

The girl had a look about her, a lost and vulnerable look; although she knew that the girl was trying to hide it. Her steps became slower as she noticed had wary she was. She had long black hair and Saffron recognized her as a goth or an emo, whatever they called it these days... she’d lost track.

“Hello?” she said quietly, her voice kind and gentle despite how her throat hurt after her tears in the car, she turned her head slightly and her blonde hair fell around her pale face, mirroring her ice blue eyes...much like the girls own “Are you alright?”

She wasn’t stupid, she’d known girls who had acted like she had, the hands behind her back hid something and Saffron knew it. Girls now had to go through so much, the amount of letters she received asking her for advice about something she’d never done...

Drugs were one of them, then teenage pregnancies. It sickened her to think of young girls in that sort of a situation and she tried to help in anyway she could such as going to see them and getting them help. She’d seen the girl’s reaction before when a girl wanted to hide something...normally something she couldn’t get rid of.

She spotted a hoodie on the other side of the clearing and guessed immediately though she said nothing, if they girl wanted to talk she could...if not then that was up to her and she could do nothing about it.

[>>Sacora<<]

<sub>She'll cut you down with a single thrust
She's taken over too quickly
No medication can cure the lust
So say a prayer for the sickly
Cause she belongs to heaven

Sacora once again glanced toward her truck then she turned toward Saffron. She studied the actress carefully. She wasn't stupid...neither of them were. Sacora stared at her face, and could tell she had been crying. "I'm fine..." she replied, her voice emotionless. She'd keep it like that...deep inside she was about to breakdown...maybe if she could just hold it all in until she got rid of her...

"You okay yourself?" she demanded, her tender side obviously having an effect over her...she should be running, should be turning away. Her eyes flickered to her hoodie and back to Saffron, and back to the hoodie...and so on and so forth.

She wanted to deivert the subject from her...even though she knew her entire story would be visible on her body. She stared at Saffron. "You're not stupid are you?" she said softly.

She looked at her feet, which were bare...she had left her shoes back with her hoodie. She stared at the veins in her feet as she waited for a response.</sub>

[Rose Brennan]

Saffron was taken aback by the girls abruptness but took it as a nice change and closed her slightly pink rimmed eyes with a weak smile “Well, I guess I am...but sometimes we all feel about down hmm?”

She looked at the girl, she was probably about 17 but Saffron thought how young she really looked, so alone. At her age Saffron had finally left care and had bought herself her own apartment by the film studios. She’d been a wild child for about a year before coming to her senses, but never to wild. Sure se’d taken a few drugs, they all had in the business but it had never effected her and she’d never been reliant on them.

She noticed the girl wasn’t wearing any shoes; she just wanted to give her a hug and make sure she was safe and well. The scars on the girls arms were just visible but Saffron said nothing, knowing that she wouldn’t want to talk about it if it was her.

“No” she said finally “I can see” but she looked her fully in the face when she said this and after a long pause she said “But you’re not stupid either...what’s your name?”

[>>Sacora<<]

<sub>She'll cut you down with a single thrust
She's taken over too quickly
No medication can cure the lust
So say a prayer for the sickly
Cause she belongs to heaven

"Oh I'm about as stupid as they come..." whispered Sacora, letting her arms fall to her side. "I'm Sacora...Arame..."

She began to trace at her the scars absent-mindly. "Almost all the crappy things that could ever happen to a person have happened to me..." she sighed. "And most of them...were my fault."

She felt exposed...the way she always felt when her arms were visible. She felt...weak. "I suppose you would know though...being an actress...somethings...you just do without thinking...and you don't realize how bad that it until it's too late...you get trapped by it...and then...you pay for it...and yet you can't stop..."

Suddenly she began to think of her baby...the beauitful baby boy who because of her...hadn't even gotten the chance to take his first breath....she thought of the scars on her arms...which would never go away...she thought of the damage to her body, which would increase as the drug usage continued...oh she tried...she really did...but it was so hard to quit...

"I don't even know why I'm talking to you..." she said suddenly. "I don't even know you and yet you seem to understand me without hardly saying five words...why is that?" Sacora paused. "Why am I still standing here?"

She blinked, confused...no she would not have a breakdown here...not in front of a stranger...no she would wait...she had to hold it in...she knew she couldn't hold the emotions in long...she also knew that if she was alone when it happened...it would most likely lead to drugs, or more cutting....or both. She cursed to herself.</sub>

[Rose Brennan]

Saffron looked at her, her blue eyes glowing with empathy “Listen to me” she said quietly “Just by looking at you I can get an idea of what you’ve been through but I could never imagine going through it.

I know what it’s like, your right. Things seem o difficult and you think your never going to get out so you did...” she took a shuddering breath, imagining the pain the girl had probably been through, “Compared to you I can guess my problems I most likely trivial”

She took a couple of steps toward her and slowly took her hand, they felt cold and fragile and she said “I can’t begin to understand but I know you need someone to talk to and someone you can trust” she really did want to hug this poor girl.

“You probably think I’m crazy or just a phoney but don’t bottle up your feelings for goodness sake, just let them out because it’ll do you a hell of a lot of good I can tell you” she gave another weak smile and raised one finger to her pink eyes “That’s how I got these” she said softly

She hoped this girl would listen to her, maybe se should just take her home and stay with her a while; or perhaps this girl just needed a good cry right here and right now to cleanse her soul.

[>>Sacora<<]

<sub>Cause I'm broken when I'm open
And I don't feel like I am strong enough
Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you've gone away

You've gone away

Sacora shook her head. "What do you expect me to do?" she demanded. "Cry my eyes out here? What then? The feeling...the needs will still be there...and besides...it's impossible to keep someone forever..."

She paused, thinking. "In fact...I'll probably never see you again after this..." Suddenly her tone was sharp. "You're not going to take me to a shrink are you?" she demanded.

Then she quickly went on. "I suppose it doesn't matter...it'll just turn out like the last time..." She realized she was rambling on...feeling sorry for herself.

"You're problems are not trivial...they are just as important as mine...just as important as anyones...after all...we all get screwed at one point..."

She stopped again. "I'm rambling on and on about nothing that concerns you..." She trailed off, staring across the nothingness.

She couldn't met Safforn's eyes...because she knew that everything was in her own eyes...and she didn't want her to know anything...she knew...for experiance that when people knew everything...they would more than likely find a way to use it against you.

Sacora hadn't realized it, but she had sub-conciously kept tracing her scars. She blinked down at her arms, her finger lingering on top of the old scar. She stared at it...high up on the arm...smaller...one of the eariler ones...

She sighed, her mind drifting to the early days...where there was at least one person...one man who could keep her happy. "Love...what a joke..." she muttered, so quiet that, hopefully Safforn couldn't hear.

She knew that the scars were nothing...the pain there had been nothing...in fact...their was rarely any pain until afterwards...but she knew an even greater pain...the pain of love.</sub>

[Rose Brennan]

Saffron smiled knowingly and nodded, she took Sacora’s hand although she fully expected her to pull away from her grip. “If I didn’t care why would I still be here?” she asked, her blue eyes glowing with concern and empathy for the girl.

“I wouldn’t take you to a shrink, not if you didn’t want to. But what I am saying is you do need to let it all out sometimes, whether or not you can do it safely on your own is a different story.” She gave a small sigh, hardly believing what she was going to tell this stranger her story and why she cared.

“When I was five I got the part for my first role and do you know what? I couldn’t have been happier, but my father...he used the money to buy drink and when he had to much I was the only one in the firing range” she pulled up her sleeve to show the only scar she had, a long white one of her arm.

“And sometimes, especially when I was younger, I felt I couldn’t deal with it anymore. They took him away eventually but he memories still stay, don’t they?” she pulled her sleeve down again. “But my best friend James helped me through it and was always there for me. You should always have someone who cares”

She looked into the girl’s dark eyes and said finally “If you want I will see you again, I could be your friend, I’m not stupid and I know you won’t want to talk about it. I’ve told you my story but will you trust me enough to let me help you?”

[>>Sacora<<]

<sub>So break me down if it makes you feel alright
So hate me now if it keeps you alright
....
Cause I'm so much more
Than all your lies


Sacora stared at her as she spoke. "You know...I like you...but...I don't trust you...I don't trust anyone." She blinked, trying to think of the right words. "Trusting people is what got me into this mess..."

She had trusted her father to care, he hadn't....she had trusted him and she had ended up with a dead baby...she had trusted herself...and she had ended up scarred.

"You had problems with your father?" she whispered, still tracing her scars. She smirked and laughed bitterly. "My father's in jail...not that he was much of a father. He raped my mother...after he sold her drugs...and I was the result. She died...he ended up in jail...he bought me a huge house, left me some money in a bank annount...I haven't heard from him since I was four."

She paused thinking. "It was only a matter of time before I got caught up in drugs...I was twelve the first time I ever tried a drug...still trying to get off of...well...multiple drugs. I trusted a man...he got me pregnant...my beautiful baby died before he even had a chance to live. Now add cutting into the picture and you've got one screwed up life. I've got more scars...not all visible...than I care to count..."

She trailed off, staring across the barren fields.</sub>

[Rose Brennan]

Saffron nodded “Trust is a hard thing to muster I know, but it will come eventually...I promise you that” she withdrew her hand and reached in the pocket of her white jeans for a scrap of paper and a pencil and scribbled her address and telephone number “Here” she said softly handing it to her.

She didn’t give it out lightly, but the girl worried her. She didn’t want her to do anything rash, she could find out about her later with the help of a few ‘connections’ but for now she needed to get her point across “If you ever need someone to talk to or some help call me or come right OK?”

She looked over her shoulder, a load of cars were beginning to pile up slowly and some men were stepping out with cameras and pelting toward the two of them and Saffron groaned, it had only been a matter of minutes before they found her.

“I should go” she said apologetically, “Remember, I’ll always be around” and she sprinted toward her silver car, her blonde hair flying out behind her, she turned around once and gave Sacora a grin and a wink of her twinkling blue eyes before running again.

OOC: I have an idea, Saffron finds out about her and she finds where she lives and goes to see her and finds her after she’s cut herself and unconscious. She takes her to the hospital and then back to her home where Sacora can wake up in, what do you think?

[>>Sacora<<]

occ: I like the idea...but i'll post first...in the new thread...just let me know when


<sub>Sacora blinked, taking the paper without thinking. Then as the actress disappeared she ran. Publicity...was bad. She ran, barefoot, not caring. Then she picked up her hoodie.

By now Saffron was long gone....but what did it matter...she'd just forget about her...like everyone else.

Feeling even more depressed, Sacora made her way toward her old, red truck. She got in a quickly drove away, fighting tears the entire time...</sub>

[Rose Brennan]

made a home for her in Goldway

END OF THREAD